(Originally Posted 10/2/2007)
A Man Doesn’t Know the Definition of a Date
Did I ever tell you about that time when I was a sophomore at UT and I was asked out by a tall, gorgeous guy on the UT Basketball team? Even though I stand at about 6 ft. and ∏ inch tall, this never stopped guys under 5’8” from asking me out. Hungry as I was as an undergrad I often happily accepted these dates with the promise of a hearty meal in sight. So imagine my delight when “Larry”, a beautiful, well-built 6’8” forward for the UT basketball team took notice of me and decided to start up a conversation that ended in him asking me out on a date. At least I thought it would be a date.
We set it up so that I would meet Larry at his dorm – I lived just off campus, what they used to call West campus – and then we would go out from there. This was already fishy since I’m an old fashioned type who believes in being picked up. Still, that tall, beautiful and popular basketball player wants to take me out.
So I get to his place and I notice that he is not properly dressed. I mean, hadn’t I just shaved my legs, spent three hours in the salon (black women and their hair – another blog on this later, I promise) and fretted with three different girls in my dorm, who met my acquaintance with me begging them to tell me whether it should be the black headband or the brown one? I get to his place and he is in basketball shorts and one of those sleeveless see through excuses for a shirt commonly referred to as a wife-beater. Seeing my confusion, he sluggishly replies, “come in take a seat. We’ll head out in a little while.” Twenty minutes after my pacing around, he is settling in and wanting to pour a drink or two. Then, a knock the door. Another even taller gorgeous basketballer with a cooler in hand. I was naïve enough at the time to think Larry would say, “Lisa and I were just heading out.” Though it was obvious from his lack of dress and the delight at his friends’ arrival we weren’t. This taller baller gives me a quick once over and announces that about three other folks with names unknown to me are on their way. As he finishes this sentence while unpacking dominoes another knock at the door.
Now, wait a minute. I think to myself. Tall gorgeous man is giving me the slip. Oh, and I so want to walk into a restaurant with a 6’8” man on my arm. I so want to be that girl with the cool guy. Because I am so not and have never been in the cool club. Still, I am increasingly rising in anger and hunger at this point so I get up the nerve to ask Larry, when we will get going. He informs me ever so casually that we’ve arrived. He thought we’d just “hang” with some of his friends , their girls, play some “bones”, and chill at his place with a cooler of beer. Now I am all for a casual get together with friends with nice crudite, wine, and dessert, but WHAT??? This is our first date? Cheap beer and stale popcorn? I am blowing off my Greek mythology term paper for this? I know I am a bit on the nerdy side but this is in my opinion SO not a date.
I politely say to Larry, no thanks. And, the next time he asks a girl out it should include dinner and a movie not a hanging out at his place with his dirty socks and basketball groupies.
Disappointed, I sulked home but not without a sense of pride. I know a lot of women who would have stayed and been Larry’s groupie for the night. They would have thought the pleasure and privilege of his company to be enough. And, of course, he did too. So accustomed these athletic types are to girls going ga-ga over the mere prospect of their interest, that they are in a position to regularly take advantage of women from every angle. These jock types think they have all the power and the control. But, lest you think it is just the jocks who are this arrogant, don’t be fooled. Plenty of men with even less to offer are guilty of trying to lull women into the privilege of their company without having to lift a finger. These men too often think that women are so desperate to be with them, that they have the power.
Wrong. Women are actually holding all the cards, but, we usually don’t know it. Sure, Larry may have moved on to the next girl who happily slid in my place, but, I left with my pride and dignity in proper order. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t. And, like most women I had no desire to be his one night stand, and a hungry one at that. I also knew that playing along with his little game would only make things worse down the line. I mean, if your guy is wearing a wife beater on your first date, can you imagine date three? If a man doesn’t at least make a slight effort in the beginning, my guess is that while you might be the one for him that night, you certainly are not the one for him long term and he not for you.
So what do you do when a guy asks you out on a date but:
Doesn’t offer to pick you up? Ask where you can meet him? This also works if you don’t want him to pick you up.
Doesn’t take you to a decent place? By decent I mean someplace that does not offer have a drive-through, or gives you the option to super-size. You fake nausea – which you should have anyway and ask to be taken home.
Does not immediately take the check. Don’t you dare pick up that bill, go dutch, or even look in the direction of the bill. You continue talking to him until he gets the message. Should he be rude enough to ask you to split it, you politely say that you thought it was a date, look back at him and make sure either drive yourself home or call a taxi. I wouldn’t recommend getting in his car if he’s mad that he had to pay a whole dinner bill. Could be a problem.
Does not ask you out for a Saturday night before Wednesday night. You are too busy. A man who thinks you haven’t made plans for Saturday by Thursday. As if? When a man really likes you, he wants to reserve his time with you early. IF a man calls you the night before or the afternoon of, he might just be bored and looking for easy action.
When women do not settle for boys, they get real men in their lives. When we don’t settle, we make men stronger and that is why we are here. Men enjoy this challenge, this hunt for the unattainable. After all, nothing ventured nothing gained and why buy the cow . . . I think we all know the rest
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