(Originally Posted 2/24/2008)
Ask a mother if she’d ever want her daughter to be a stripper and she would probably say no. Ask a mother if she wants her daughter to alter her body to suit a male’s sexual appetite for large breasts and smaller hips and most would say no. Ask a mother if they want their daughter to be gorgeous on the outside no matter what demons rage on the inside and many will say no. Generally all parents what the best or what is best for their children. Just ask them. Too bad some parents have no clue what that is. One such parent is Debi Helton, who allowed her 17 year-old daughter to “decide” to have breast augmentation because “she was so insecure with her body and I didn't want that for her.”
Well, what exactly does Ms. Helton “want” or expect that her daughter will get? I doubt it will be better grades, or, a motivation towards community service, or a setting of higher goals for her life. She will not even be happier in the long term, nor, will this young woman have accomplished a thing to earn higher confidence. So why is it that we work directly in opposition to what we proclaim to want? Answer: It is because we only want from others and don’t expect from ourselves.
I dare say that it is not this young woman’s breast or extra weight that was making her insecure. Rather, it was that she has been permitted by her mother to spend too much time thinking of who she is from the outside in. This is a danger in our society in all of us surgery or not. Instead of expecting others to note our goodness from our behavior, we want others to see that we look good. Instead of a expecting a man to be charmed by our intelligence and wit, we want him to acknowledge our bodies as more desirable than the next eye candy. We desire to be seen as something special hoping this will carry us so that we needn’t put in the effort to become it.
The trouble is that we usually want both desserts – we want to look as if and know that we are special. Still only looking the part leaves us empty still and even more insecure in the long run when we know that there is no there here.
If it is security a young woman is after, why not work toward an accomplishment in school, compete in sports, be active in the community, or take advanced calculus? It is only when one puts in the effort towards a meaningful purpose does one’s security and self esteem sink into their bones. When we put in time perfecting our character and consciousness towards good will and respect for ourselves and others, we weave a web so tight that it cannot be unbound by the winds of insecurity.
After all, a young woman must learn that happiness with her beauty and features is constantly in flux. A woman feels great about her strong shoulders one week, and, the next that these same gorgeous shoulders make her feel as though she look likes a linebacker. Our outside is rarely perfect in our eyes.
Could it be that a young woman in search of her power and purpose as a blossoming adult might be searching for common sense and guidance in the woman who she trusts to have her best interests at heart? Ms. Helton mentioned that she didn’t want insecurity for her daughter, but, I cannot think of a faster way to serve it up than to agree that her body has a “figure fault”, and yes, she should undergo risky and costly surgeries to perfect it.
Ask most people where true beauty is and we pay lip service to the old adage that beauty comes from within. Too bad most of us don’t abide this or, at least pass it on to our kids.
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